I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
