I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
