So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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