So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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