You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
