he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
