Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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