That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
