Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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