I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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