He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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