She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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