Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
