Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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