I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
