Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
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