just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
