remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
