I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
