she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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