Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
