What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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