Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
