Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
