took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
