So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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