Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
