singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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