Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I want to have your abortion
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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