There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
