So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
