I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
