I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
