HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
