OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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