also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
