So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
