I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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