Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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