i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
