We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
