His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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