I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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