your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
