you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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