How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
