i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
