When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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