After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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