You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
