had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
