They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My vagina is very pro this idea
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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