I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
