Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
