Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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