He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
