I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
