Little spoons don't ask big questions
My pussy is not your playground.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
