Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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