I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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