So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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