You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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