But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
