I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
handjob tips. give me some.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize