Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
