I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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