I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
