yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
We got so high we made milksteak
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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