i just wanna soil my oats bro
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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