***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
that is very illegal...i love you.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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