I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
