i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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